Taking it on the chin

One of the key leadership skills that I don't hear many people talk about is how to handle criticism. It's bound to come your way from time to time, and how you deal with it is key to moving forward. So here are some of my random rules for dealing with criticism.

1. It hurts. Criticism always hurts. Recognising that it hurts helps me to process it more objectively. I think that's because I know it's okay to hurt but it's not okay to lash out and strike back or to dwell on it or let it fester.

2. Don't make snap responses. I remember a good friend of mine saying that once you're in ministry, you're in the firing line. The best thing, he said, was not to respond by justifying yourself. That just produces an argument. In fact make your first response a thank you for the other person's courage to be honest and their care for you in bringing the matter to your attention. You'll be surprised at how often that calms the storm.

3. Reflect. Often, no matter how poorly handled and presented, there is a seed of truth in the criticism. The things I most often get criticised about usually reflect an area of my character, ministry or life that needs addressing. Not necessarily in the way the purveyor of the criticism thinks, but in some way. Sometimes they are so wide of the mark, that there is no basis for the criticism. If, after reflecting, I feel that way, I try and check out my conclusions with someone I trust. Rule 4 kicks in.

4. Always have someone who can help you process the big stuff. Actually processing the little stuff can need help too, because unprocessed or processed badly just makes it big stuff sooner or later.

5. Discern the voice behind the criticism. My friend Andy White blogged about working alone and the issues surrounding the inner voice of doom. Discerning the root of the voice of criticism is vital to healthy processing. When criticism comes it often arouses feelings of low self-worth after you've finished being angry. (If you're only ever angry about criticism see rule 3!) The inner voice begins to tell you that you have no value, that you're not cut out for leadership, that God can't possible use you etc. etc. It's simply not true. I'm doing what I do because God has called me and gifted me to do it. I just don't do it the way some people want it done. Sometimes that's my fault because I get things wrong, I focus on the wrong thing and I'm not too hot on organising myself. But if I'm anybody's failure then I'm God's failure and I know he still loves me even.

6. Be kind to yourself. Don't beat yourself up, there are plenty of people out there in the wider world who would gladly do that for you, and they'd probably do a better job anyway.

7. If the first 6 rules haven't worked, go buy yourself a cup of your favourite coffee, or in my case fruit smoothie, and put the criticism to one side until you're in better shape to deal with it all.

Now, where are my car keys....