We finished the day with a meditation which involved listening to someone read The Father's Love Letter. You might have come across this via an email from someone or a chance search on the internet. I was sent it quite some time ago. It's very nice. It's quite comforting. It's all Scripture. It's only half the story.
My problem is that whilst everything it contains is drawn from well-known verses and passages throughout the Bible, it is just that, a collection of nice, comforting thoughts. We're encouraged these days to think a lot about the Father who loves us. One of the artists at Spring Harvest this year described their ministry about helping people to see that God is head-over-heels in love with them.
Hmm.
The thing is, where is the Father who disciplines his children in all this? Where is the Holy God who judges us, finds us wanting and then offers himself as the solution?
Therein lies my problem with some of what we talked about today. It's not a complete picture. To be fair, I'm not sure how you'd paint a complete picture in one day, but for me a little more theological reflection wouldn't have gone amiss.
I agree with the statement made today that the negative voices that tell us we're not good enough, we're useless, we're failures, do not come from God. But I'm not sure that turning them into comforting voices that praise our effort and tell us that our best is good enough is the whole answer.
Take David for example. When he committed adultery with Bathsheba and then arranged the murder of Uriah I suspect he felt pretty bad about himself. I'm guessing that he didn't feel connected to God, maybe even abandoned by him. The last thing David needed at that point was to turn to his inner voice and tell himself, "You're okay." Clearly he wasn't okay. He needed to deal with his sin in order to rebuild his self-esteem.
Then how about Moses? Was he suffering low self-esteem when he told God he couldn't possibly speak on his behalf because of his speech problem? Maybe Moses was offering a realistic assessment of himself. Would God have used an articulate, confident Moses?
You see my point.
Low self-esteem is most definitely an issue with which many people, including many Christians, struggle. But maybe the best solution is a healthy biblically based understanding of ourselves and of God's grace and mercy. Perhaps we need to engage more fully with the central doctrines of our faith in order to better understand these things.
It was interesting that when we were asked to think about various negative images of God as Father and choose the one that most reflects how we sometimes see him, I struggled to pick one. It wasn't because I don't have times when I feel abandoned or distant from him, it's just that as I thought about them I thought also about the theological understanding I carry with me that helps me address those feelings without having to think about how a positive parent might speak to me.
Overall the day did have real value for me as I reflected on the sources of low self-esteem and listened to the stories that some shared about their personal experiences. But I couldn't help feeling that something was missing and that something was about knowing God and knowing myself in God's eyes.
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