Staying connected to the back door brigade

I guess that one of the questions that can go through the mind of a potential leaver is whether anyone will notice their departure or indeed will anyone care that they are leaving. Now I know that some people reach a low point where they think this is true and others use such a question as a ploy to get noticed. But I’m talking about those folk who might slip away quietly precisely because no one seems to notice and no one seems to care.

So what might change that point of view? What can make a person feel valued? Here are a few thoughts.

1. No one gets to leave the church building without someone checking in with them. It never ceases to amaze me how easy it can be to slip out of church without connecting with anyone else. I know that this is how some people choose to live, or not live, in a Christian community, but it should never happen because we never notice. If someone chooses to disengage then there is little I can do abuot that, but if I choose not engage with them, that is something I can address. So rule one is simply this: someone needs to be responsible for checking in. Depending upon the soze of your church this could be two or three people or may take a team of twenty, but it needs to happen.

2. Don’t just follow up absence. It’s too easy simply to check in with people who don’t come, but what about the people who are coming? In my previous church we began to introduce a pattern of taking the flowers to people who weren’t on the sick list. It was a simple way to say to someone, “We’ve noticed you’re okay and we want you to know that we’ve noticed.”

3. Say thank you. I try to say thank you to everyone who contributes on a Sunday. I don’t always succeed, but that doesn’t make it any less important to do. Over our Easter weekend a number of people have worked really hard, they need to know that I’m aware of that and thankful for their efforts.

4. Do you what you can to keep the door open. I know that a lot of people don’t like email, but a quick, friendly email allows you to let someone know you noticed their absence. And if there’s no response to your email, you can send a card and/or plan a visit.