Leaving well: More thoughts about the back door

There are many reasons people leave the church. Some are positive, some are negative. The goal when a person or family leave the church is to help them leave well and leave graciously. The worst case scenario is that they leave negatively and in so doing do damage to themselves, to the church and to the leaders. Leaving well enables both sides to bless each other as they seek to follow God wherever he leads them. 

The first thing we probably need to recognise is that it will not always be possible to help someone leave well. Either through their choice (some people just want their grievances aired as loudly and publicly as possible) or because they are not ready to deal with the presenting issue that has precipitated their departure. Having said that, we need to get better at the leaving process and we should try as hard as we can to make it a positive experience.

The overriding principle must be grace. Grace on both sides. Where the issue is sin, then we need to be a gracious church, offering forgiveness and reconciliation wherever possible. We must endeavour always to leave the door open, offering an opportunity to return to the community of faith. Where the issue is pain for the leaver, then the leaver too must be gracious. The church is not a perfect place, the people are not perfect. 

The first step in leaving well is to establish the core reason for leaving. This will determine what next step needs to be taken. It will also help you identify whether there is the possibility for reconciliation or not. There can be a lot of speculation about the reason a particular person or family have chosen to leave. Establishing the core reason gives the leadership of the church and the membership of the church the opportunity to address issues surrounding leaving and leavers without all the speculation that goes with them.

When all is said and done, folk will leave the church and they will leave however they want to leave. Leaving well doesn’t just have to mean standing at the front and blessing the congregation and the congregation blessing the leaver. Leaving well is about knowing the reasons, leaving the door open, minimising pain and maximising grace.