A caveat first though, before I write. This is not a criticism of church, it's a "wonder". I wonder whether we see ourselves in a true light. The honest answer is probably not. I don't even see myself in a true light, let alone the church of which I am a part. Sometimes I see myself as worse than I am, sometimes better.
Over the course of the next three months, as I continue my sabbatical, I'll have the opportunity to visit a wide range of churches if I so choose. I'm worried that I'm going to discover something about church life that I've been trying to ignore for far too long.
The church is not as friendly as it thinks it is.
This is what I fear I will discover.
You get at hint of it at conferences where we always leave an appropriate gap between ourselves and the person we don't know who is already sitting by themselves in the row we've just chosen. I do it too, but occasionally I break the habit and actually sit next to someone I don't know. I put this down to being a shy person. No-one, naturally, believes me when I say I'm shy, but I am.
It must be four years ago that I was in Chicago for the Leadership Summit at Willow Creek. I was on my own and I had no choice. If I wanted to process the information and ideas that were coming in my direction, I needed to find people with whom I could do that. I had to choose to be what naturally I am not.
At this point I find I have to agree with my teenage daughter's assessment that I am inherently weird. I'm actually quite a private, solitary kind of person and yet I function at my best when I'm in a conversation. I will often talk to my fellow leaders about the "ongoing conversation" that energises me. I think well on my own, but I think better in the company of others. Dialogue actually suits me. Not a bad admission for the shy one!
So how does this relate to friendliness at church? Well, I'm not sure that I'm actually any more weird than most other people. I'm guessing now, but in our church family of 50 or so folk, there are probably two or three who are really good connectors when visitors arrive. And, I'm guessing again, I'm not sure than any of them would describe themselves as outgoing extroverts. They have chosen the way of friendliness because they know it's important. They do it despite their natural inclinations, and they do it because they know it's simply not good enough to think we are friendly, we have to be friendly.
The lesson for the rest of us is that if we think our churches are friendly but we do not personally do the friendly thing, then it's likely that our churches are in fact not as friendly as we think they are.
So, the next time a face appears in your church that you don't recognise, how about it if you take the chance to show off your friendly side and welcome them. Then, when they say, "Wow this is a friendly place," you will now that you've made your contribution to the reputation of your church.
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